Photo credit: lowjumpingfrog

Photo credit: lowjumpingfrog

I thought I would start writing again.

When I lost my book (I’m not sure I ever mentioned it actually, but we were robbed, and I am stupid.  So when the laptop was stolen, so was the 30,000 word draft of my book), I thought I would start over.

…Once I had re-outlined.

…Once I had found out whether or not I was pregnant.

Then I got pregnant, and I was so excited.  But I found that my creative energy was consumed by quite a different kind of creativity.  And then I felt sick for six weeks.  Still, I thought I would start over.

…Once I felt better.

…Once I had wrapped my head around the idea of this baby.

…Once I knew this was really happening.

Then we went away to Thailand for Christmas.  I never intended to write while we were there.  There was visiting and gaming and exploring to do, and I didn’t bring my laptop.  But still, I thought I would start over.

…Once we got back.

…Once my leg had healed.

But now, I am back.  My leg is healed.  I feel better.  I wouldn’t say I really have my head wrapped around the baby thing, but with some movements starting and the beginnings of preparation underway, I would say I am well on the way to that.  Everyone knows now (well, not absolutely everyone, of course, but it’s reasonably common knowledge, and I definitely don’t feel the need to keep it a secret any longer).  I am getting back into other activities.  My piano lessons are going well. I am playing bridge.  I am singing in choir.  I am swimming and yoga-ing and occasionally walking.  I am even managing to do some chores.

And still, I am not writing.

I am not blogging.  I am not journalling (apart from the occasional entry in our baby journal).  I am definitely not working on the novel.  And I don’t really know why.

I miss the routine, the habit, the feeling of productivity.  I miss the characters, the story, the unexpected twists and turns.  I don’t want to write the exact same story again, but there were elements of what I wrote that I really loved and would like to incorporate again.

But I am not writing.  And despite what I miss about it, a big part of me doesn’t really care.  I love my other activities.  I usually find enough to fill my days.  My life is going to change in a big way relatively soon, and a relaxing break before that change might even be a good thing.

The conclusion (if you can really call it that)?  I am not really writing now, but I am not ruling it out either.  I am going to take things as they come.  (And maybe that will even be a life lesson for me – it’s not something that comes all that easy to me!)

2 thoughts on “Writing

  1. Tamara says:

    I understand. I am also an engineer’s wife, but living in Miri. I have been following your blog for a couple of months now. I can relate to much of what you write about on the blog (although not the pregnancy part ;). I am also a writer who has difficulties writing. It’s just nice to know I’m not alone. Hang in there…it’ll come back. Maybe we can meet some day – since I’m just across the border. I blog too, just started to keep my friends and family apprised during our travels. Check it out and much luck to you and your writing.


    • jenn says:

      Thanks! It’s great to know others have some of the same challenges. And a meeting some day sounds good. Miri is super close. I will pop over to your blog now.


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